Now...for the more fun part...I got drunk during supper and decided that me and my cousins should go to the casino and gamble. LOL Well..I did. I ended up in the high roller section for an hour. I lost 40 bucks but managed to win 50.00 out of the hundred I walked in there with. Didnt even know there was a high roller table hahahaha I'm not a gamble. I'm pretty much gambler inept. It's almost as bad as how clueless I am when it comes to directions to places. hahahahahaha
annnd...I went on a terrible date. LOL It was a tough voting thing and ended up being "sold off" to some late forties man. I love men. I could careless about the age really...it's what he did that totally put me off completely and made me entirely too uncomfortable. Auctioned off Julia did not like that at all LOL A big middle finger and F U to you dating gods! hahaha ok..not really...but I did enjoy myself minus the whole introduction. The guy moves in to kiss me (I presumed), I turned to offer my cheek and he basically stuck his tongue in my ear and licked my lips right after annnnnd I was stunned. Who does that really?! Holy eff! That was the most unsexy thing ever...I have no idea if he kisses like that all the time but it's awful. Someone should tell him that if he does. I would hope someone told him that. 0_0 He's old enough to know how to kiss a cheek or how to greet someone who they don't even know beyond meeting me through a friend. What the hell...either way, I tried to be subtle about it by wiping his saliva off my face and told him "well..that was unexpected...let's not try that again" (okay...so subtle was gone) and then I said "I don't know what impression you have of me or what is expected at this supper but we are not going to get sexual. I'm not that type of woman. If you are expecting that, I suggest you leave before you waste your time because you would be wasting yours and mine if you stayed and thought you were going to get laid". Then he laughs and says "You talk like a real woman. I like that. I'm going to stick around for the company. If you don't mind that is..." and we proceeded to have a great time. We had a good supper. Minus me leaving reeking of his cologne (too much marination going on) and the salvia and weird ear makeout session he had with my ear - I had fun. It was good. Buuut I don't think I would ever do that again. Nope. Not now. Not ever. He is obviously looking for something quick and easy (he even stated that).
On another note, I had someone ask about an ex-boyfriend I had about forever and a day ago (okay,within the last 5 years lol) and what happened there. It was all boiled down to "He's happy as long as he's got someone to share his misery with. I'm happy it's not me." and that was that. Seriously, I don't have an antagonistic relationship with all of my exes. There are some who are cheaters, liars, assholes, fucktards, pussnuts, users and abusers. There are actually only 3 I don't speak with at all. Two of them cheated on me and the other one pushed me into a wall once...and well...you can be charged even if someone starts something first. I'm just lucky the asshole didn't charge me because I pushed him right off the steps (only three stairs) and hit him with his boots for pushing me into a wall...in anger. Now...when he pushed me against a wall while kissing me and well...that was a totally different thing hahahaha He was a passionate man but very jealous and I was so convinced I wasn't worth it at that time. Most of my exes have just this one thing in common - they lied to me. It's a big thing! No one has any idea how big lying is to me.
Lying is deception. It is dishonesty. It is untruthfulness. How can you trust someone who lies about things like where they were? Keeping in mind I was asking because they were running late to a friends wedding (I'm not my boyfriends keeper so I don't gps him or whatever) Or someone who feels they need to lie? That's not to say I haven't lied in my life. I have. I have told "white lies" (yes I know it is still a lie even if its white) but I do it to save grace...or face. I was told repeatedly that if you lie you have to always remember it. I have enough to remember with always remembering a lie hahaha I also don't need that on my conscience. I have told lies to protect people from worrying about me or other people. There are times when I have justified it but really...that's not the lying I am talking about. It's the whole "I love you" and you then hear your (at the time) boyfriend say that to someone else - which one is the lie? It just calls into question everything he said. It makes him unpredictable because you then wonder how he misrepresented himself. I'm not talking about him choking down your god awful failed recipe...I'm talking about the serious shit like him "mysteriously" having extra money or why he needs a gun or him distracting you when it comes to you asking where he was for hours on end...or why he needs two cars...shit like that. There's a whole world of difference between lying and saying "That dress doesn't make you look fat at all" and then lying by saying "I will always be faithful to you". It just bugs me. I'm just done with being lied too. I'm not saying all men are liars either...just my exes. LOL Maybe they learned to be honest people with all the ranting I did to them about what I basically wrote down here. I believe some people can change and others can effect change and there are those that change is too scary - to unknown - so they pretend (misrepresentation is a form of deception which is a form of lying!)...it's something I was thinking about on the 6 hour ride home.
This week away I also realized I don't miss Marc at all. There wasn't a single time I thought of him or even felt lonely because he wasn't around. Or because I didn't hear from him. I got a wicked blast from the past with Jay messaged me. That was seriously bizzare because I didn't see that coming (he was totally the rebound and was happy with knowing that too LOL)...and I seriously had no problem with it. I had no problems or felt anything. It was the moment I realized "I'm okay again" and that I can move on. Although I will be focusing more on myself right now than anything, I do enjoy knowing I can move on. I'll always have memories of his words, his calls, his epic Marc'isms hahaha but I'm good with that part of my life being over. It hasn't been long but...I'm okay. When we talked yesterday I was okay with not answering him back right away. I was okay with receiving his voicemail messages. I was okay with it all. It's nice to finally not feel hurt or like I missed out because I didn't. The only thing I missed out on was peace of mind. I was done making excuses and ended the situationship/relationship/lovers or whatever you want to call it. I was just completely done. It feels good.
I guess what I was really thinking about, in between my kickass meetings and visits, was all the qualities I didn't want when I should have been focusing more on what I do want. I want a human being. Someone who isn't afraid of being human. Who isn't trying to be perfect. Someone who can accept my imperfections. Someone who doesn't shy away from me because I can be a bit weird or extreme about things at times. Someone who can handle my otaku tendencies and my needs for deep philosophical conversation and whimsy. Someone who isn't wanting to change every aspect of who I am to fit who they think they want me to be. Someone who will laugh with me and laugh at me. Someone who has an amazing sense of humour. Someone who embraces hygiene and understands my crazy need for Crest only products. Someone who can accept me with every load of drama, tears, sorrow, joys, love, laughter, sunshine, rainy days, need for Legend of Zelda nights, and all my eccentricities...as much as I will do the same for them. I want man. Not raise one. Give and take. I would do the same. Equal measure...or as the Elric brothers would say "Equivalent Exchange" hahaha
Hmm...maybe I just want Sanji...LOL :P
On that note, see you tomorrow! Have a good one.
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