Life with Mum - My FB status messages hahaha

You have no idea how strange we can be. But our strangeness makes us fun...and by us I mean my family. We are 4 adults living under one roof (thanks to the housing shortage on reserve) but we tend to get along quite well. My Mum and I tend to have our moments though. I, obviously, take of her in some respects and in others...well...you'll see...lol

I would write more but I am already behind on my packing and I need to fit some sleep in at some point hahaha

Hope these make you laugh and have a good one!

Me: But I don't wanna shovel the driveway...I just had a shower and I'm massaging my scalp. Don't you usually pay someone to do it?

Mum: Well...

Me: Nevermind. You ask Dad and I really don't need to repress a memory tonight about how you choose to pay...

Mum just shrugs Hahahahahaha 

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Hahahaha

Me *feeling animizzy* : Better watch out now Mum!! Gonna fight ya this time..

Mum *just as animizzy* : Oh yeah...bring it on *starts jumping around with her fists up*

Me: *start mirroring Mum* Not gonna go easy on ya this time...this time your gonna get it...no more lil kicks to the shins...

Mum: *swings at me* oh yeah...well I'm gonna get ya in the head...and then beat ya and then fight ya...

Me: This fight is scheduled for one fall...

Mum: I'm coming now...now you're gonna get it...better watch out..

Me: for what?! Your tickle attack...I have an even more deadly attack now...

Mum and Me starts swatting each others hands...laughing like manaics...

Me: Now..time for my dreaded hug-lift-and-twirl attack!!!! Raaaewwwwwwww!!!!*hug and lift Mum*

Mum: PUT ME DOWN IM SCARED OF HEIGHTS!!!!! 

Bwahahaha!!!! I love her!!!! Hahaha 

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Creepy Mum moment...

Mum: Too many people go to the graveyard drunk....

Me: Oh yeah? How do you know that?

Mum: So I'm just gonna bury you all in the back of the house.

Me: hahaha Sounds like your planning to kill us.

Mum: Oh no...but there is someone buried in your Aunt's backyard.

Hahahahahahahaha 

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Hahahaha

 Mum: Caaaandeh...

 Me: Ohhhh..sweet candeh...

 Mum and Me: CAAAAANNNNDEEEHHH!!!!

hahahaha

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hahahahaha

 Me: *grabs Daddy's arm and bites and smiles at him* Do you ever worry about my mental health?

 Daddy: *dishing up some potatoes* .......sometimes...

 Mum: What did you do to your Dad now?

 Me: Chewed on him like he was some kinda man corn.

 Mum: Ohh...well..suppers ready.

 Me whispering to Daddy: Do you ever worry about your mental health? I mean...we are all kinda crazy in here.

 Daddy : *says nothing but looks exasperated*

 Me to Mum: I think I actually might have annoyed him this time. 

 Mum : Alright *gives me the thumbs up*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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UPDATE *New best laugh of the day*

 Commercial: Could be fatal in some people...

 Mum: What does fatal mean?

 Me: It means you are going to die.

 Mum: Hooooo...that's some kind of medicine. If you don't take it you die...if you take it you might die...I'd just get a new pill that won't make you die. *nods to herself eating apple slices*

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bwahahaha!!!

 Me: Johnny Depp is 50 so I guess that is your old man crush...

 Meloberry: He's not my old man crush. Mine is David Tennant. I am going to be 17 next month.

 Me: I am going to be 30 this month.

 Mom: Oh! That reminds me that I need to go to the graveyard this month.

 Me: Nice to know my birthday reminds you of death...

 Bwahahaha!!!!

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Me: * glaring at Mums bag of junk*

 Mum: Don't even say it! I know I'm a junkie...

 Bwahahaha

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BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 Me: She's going through menopause. Its like shes jumping from this age to that age from this rage to that rage...

 Kris: haha omg...must be interesting

 Me: I feel dizzy some days trying to follow her mood swings. She just asked me to kill someone while in the same breathe saying she loves me to death. Im still not sure whom she was referring too but I hope its not me. She's cooking lunch today *hahahahaha*

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lol

 Me: they're burnt...

 Mum: the toaster did it...

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Me:Just because he ran away from the cops doesn't mean he's guilty...

 Mum: He wouldn't have ran if he wasn't guilty.

 Me: Maybe he just had a bad police experience...

 Mum: Yeah...like the first time he was guilty of something and the cops were called so he ran away

 Me: He could still be innocent...

 Mum: But he ran from the cops so he did it.

 Me: Are we really gonna argue about this?

 Mum: He's not guilty if he dies soon...

 Hahahaha just can't win...

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My Mum the hypocodriac....

Mum: *calls me at work* Can you come home please? I have an emergency and we need to call the doctor right away.

Me: *worried now* Okay! I'll run over right away.

**** bust in the door and slam it shut : oh my god Mum was it your sugar? Is it low? are you having stroke symptoms? Whats wrong? Do I need to call an ambulance?

Mum: I was reading the Health Centre newsletter when I read that you have to have your prostate check when your over 40. Julia, I'm almost 50. I could have prostate cancer and not know it because I never got it checked.

Me *sitting down, hands in my face*: Please tell me your joking....

Mum: Jesus Christ Julia! This is serious! I never once had my prostate checked.

Me: I never scheduled an appointment for one because you damn well dont have one! What the hell Mum?! Women have ovaries, not prostates. 

Mum: How do you know that? You're not a doctor or cancer specialist?!

Me: I know it because I'm a woman and I know you gave birth to me. Last time I checked women didnt have prostates. Just ask Dad.

Mum: Oh...

Me: yeah...was that seriously all you wanted?

Mum: Dont look at me like that. How was I supposed to know women didn't have prostates...

BWAHAHAHA!!!

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AC/DC Mum

Me: I don't get why I had to take a day off from work to do this...

Mum: Because you love me...

***Mum turns up the radio*** AC/DC Dirty Deeds comes on and could hear Mum singing something

Me: Say  that again Mum?

Mum: Bury me! Six Feet Deep! Oh Bury Me, Six feet deep...

Me: BWAHAHAHAJAMES!! COME LISTEN TO MUM SING!!!

Mum: Well..thats what hes saying Julia..duh? I know the song. My husband likes them...

James: What you laughing so hard about?

Me: *almost on the floor in the hallway from laughing* Mum...hahahaha sing it!!!

Mum: Bury me! Six Feet Deep! Oh Bury Me..six feet deep..

James: hahahahaha!!! Mom its dirty deeds and they're done dirty cheap.

Mum: Oh...well, I like mine better anyways.

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Mum the Big Christmas Kid

Mum: Go back to bed...it's too early for you...
Me: I've been getting text messages since midnight and they are still coming in...
Mum: oh...but go back to bed.
Me: That big gift is yours and Dad's.
Mum: Well...you might as well stay up now..*eyeballing the big gift*

_________________

Me: What?! Just cuz you seen it on TV doesnt make it true ya know.
JJ: Yes it does.
Mum: Sure it does. Why would they put it on TV if it wasnt true? 
Me: Just dont believe everything you see on TV or read on the Internet okay Mum?
Mum: Ok. JJ...you think the Waltons ever believed anything they seen on TV?
JJ: Well ya. Fleetwood...Google that...
*both looking at be expecting something*
Me: What did I just say?!
Mum: JJ...dont believe everything you seen on TV until Julia tells you its real.
JJ: But that's really the Waltons.
Mum: I know.
*JJ turns to me*
JJ: See Fleetwood...even your Mum knows its really the Waltons...
Me: *sweatdrop and sigh* Goodnight John Boy...
JJ: Goodnight Maryellen!