Frenemies and the excessive attention drama addicts!

So, lately I have been having a rough time not feeling guilty about not feeling bad for not talking to some of my friends. Quite frankly, I have always been all about the whole "if you make time for things or people that are important to you, then they matter". I found myself in this situationship (no longer a friendship) where I have this friend I haven't talked too much in months and months on end. It isn't like I'm mad at her or anything. I'm content. I stopped feeling sad about being ignored months ago. Now, they have called and would like to reappear in my life. Suffice it to say, their life is kinda gone to shit. Mine isn't so bad. Sure I have frustrations and irritations (they same ones I always have) but I'm getting to a good place in my life where I am happy and, surprisingly, content with the way things are right now. Okay, so maybe more complacent than content. I am just listening to the voice inside of me (not the one that demands chocolate or the one who only ever thinks of sex or the other who wants fireworks ALL THE TIME!!!) that keeps saying I am right where I need to be.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah... well...

I'm done with drama. I'm doing everything possible to avoid drama causing people and situations. I date men outside of my community. I don't go out around small town/rural hell anymore. I pretty much keep to myself to avoid the whole gossip crowd. I don't invite anyone over anymore since it appears to lead to drama...so here I am. Drama-less and ol'friend wants back in. The whole "Whatcha up to chum?" kind of annoys me actually because I know it's not about me. As tempted as I was to tell them everything that is going on in my life...I played it cool and just said "same ol, same ol" and when they asked if I was going out this weekend, I said "Nope. Working." and when they called me a work-aholic I said "I guess I am." You see what I did there? I didn't engage the drama. I realized something crazy...having drama type people in your life, invites drama to your life and BAM! Soap Opera story line central starts happening and it stars you! Little, just minding my own business, you.It starts out small and then suddenly...in the middle of the night to "Hey, I heard you were mad at me...I can't sleep...why are you angry? What did I ever do to you? Even my kids are upset because I told them you were upset with me..." Because I'm sure your children are concerned, at 2:45 am, about me being upset. All because I stopped paying attention to you. No. That is not how friendship works. The roles are not supposed to be rigid, but fluid. If you don't get it now - you never will.

Now...back on topic...

To be clear, some of those drama causing people don't even realize they cause their own dramas. It's the craziest thing in the world. Honestly, I am glad I don't have to deal with the people who have friends whose boyfriends stole from them, or who kids are suspended for starting a brawl, or who are getting charged for cyber bullying (seriously! 40 yr olds doing that to teens is depraved!!!! Well...more depraved than usual) and the list goes on...and on...and on...and it NEVER ENDS!!!! The term for those friends is FRIEND TERRORIST and/or FRENEMY!!!!

So, here I was, feeling guilty about not feeling bad. I know I am being talked about and I wanted to care a little bit. I wanted to feel hurt. I wanted to be upset that I had a friendship terrorist moment where my saboteur was my friend and they destroyed our friendship. But I didn't. If I felt bad it would have made me feel a lil better and less like I lived a lie knowingly. Let's face it, by the time it comes about naturally, you and your own frenemy are not speaking. Mainly because they are doing exactly what is in the aforementioned picture ^ up there. Plus...I really did want to feel something instead of "oh..well...that's nice" about them. It's like some strangers family member dying and while you feel sympathetic - it doesn't touch more than the surface. Now I sound like an asshole, an honest asshole mind you, but an asshole nevertheless. All simply because I just don't care beyond the surface anymore.

I am not sitting at home feeling bad about being ignored. I am not upset about our plans being blown. I am not angry over the fact I told you something in private that you shared with someone else. I am not raging because you chose to twist my words and start a fight between our friends and me. I am not disappointed to find the knife you stabbed in my back...anymore. I just don't feel deeply for you anymore. I'm beyond that now. You are simply too late.

So, here I am. Down a few friends. I just reached the end of my rope. There are no more excuses for this. I am done feeling like I did something wrong and I was being punished for it. I am not mentioning names because they deserve the right to go on with their lives and not be hounded by anybody...but if you think this is about you, and we haven't had this discussion, then maybe you're next. Do us both a favor and show yourself the way out. Thanks.

I honestly thought drama addiction was just me being a little melodramatic (I'm learning damn it! lol) and lo-en-behold! TA-DA! There was an article in Psychology Today about it. Here is an exerpt:

"The obvious answer is drama gets attention. However, it is more than that. Drama causes the pituitary gland and hypothalamus to secrete endorphins, which are the pain-suppressing and pleasure-inducing compounds, which heroin and other opiates mimic.[32-40] Hence, drama eases the anxiety of wanting more attention than you are getting. Naturally, since drama uses the same mechanisms in the brain as opiates, people can easily become addicted to drama.[41-45] Like any addiction, you build up a tolerance that continuously requires more to get the same neurochemical affect.[46-49] In the case of drama, then means you need more and more crises to get the same thrill. "

excessive-attention-seeking-and-drama-addiction

So, there you are. It DOES EXIST!

I'm glad to have a few true friends. I am not subjected to rigid rules with them. I can cry, I can be super happy, I actively listen and they actively listen. They cry. They are super happy. We take care and love and appreciate each other. That's what being friends is all about. There is no score kept but somehow, it always works out. I am truly blessed, divinely favored, to have a few friends like that in my life. I feel loved. 

So, tomorrow I am going to focus on just appreciating the friends I have right now. I am going to focus on the good, and move past the bad (even if the psychos keep trying to drag me back). I am going to move forward with my goals. I sleep at night. I work. I play. I date (a lot right now - I'll write about my new friend soon). I laugh. I am joyful. I am thankful. But still...

Much luv n hugs xoxox ;)