MOUTH BREATHING HAPPENED!!!!
So, I realized something very quickly. I tend to reach mouth breather status when I am literally about ready to lose my shit. Blow my top. Make celebrity diva freak outs look like a minor temper tantrum. Possible hair pulling-I'm-have-planned-your-destruction emotional levels have been reached and breached bitches and shit is about to get real if I don't take these deep breaths in my nose...and out my mouth. It is because THIS...has been my reality a lot...
Which brought on this sudden realization yesterday which made me feel completely defeated...
and yesterday I had a good little cry about feeling defeated by my own habits. The hardest habits to break are old habits. Bad or good...habits are habits. Humans are creatures of habits. Whether we realize it or not. My habit is to get caught up in my work and everything else falls to the wayside - it basically has to suffer because I feel compelled to get something done now because I am excited about it. Patience is a virtue but I have repeatedly said, at different points in time, 'not right now it isn't...I really need to get to this done and then I could relax...'. It's like I have no idea how to NOT work. I think about work when I'm not at work. I have to make a complete conscious effort to not think about work. When asked about what I do with my time, the first thing to pop into my head is work. It just dominates my life. Which can be a good thing...till this happens...
I promised myself I would never burn out every again. I seem to have this mentality and I have worked my ass off to change this one thing about me. Just this...
But I can't. I can't fix all the problems. I have no control over the fact that I am in the middle of two women who are more concerned about being right than helping me sort out what is wrong. I can't fix how awful this man is about the people he should be representing. I can't fix or explain away how bitter someone else is about someone else. Not all my problems are work related either. But it just so happened I became aware of my breathing at work and my problem about work at work. Honestly, I keep a sign that says "BREATHE" right at eye level by my computer so I have the constant reminder to do just that -"BREATHE".
So, I had to accept that I can't control my knee-jerk reactions to work and home and friends and wanna-be friends and DRAMA! I REFUSE drama. Regardless, I had to accept that I had no control over how people reacted to things that happened to them or around them. I couldn't make it better or soften the blow. Egos are egos. People are people. They can control my reactions as much as I control theirs and that's all there is to it really. I am only responsible for how I react to things. So, today I turned that shit around and laughed about it. I made jokes about every time there was confusion or a screw up or I was asked to cover for someone else's screw up and had no choice but to follow thru. I did it with a lighter heart and I may have became aware of my breathing once or twice...but it wasn't a constant internal dialogue that warned me I am two breathes away from hyperventilating...lol I got this.
Learning to breathe is like learning to take charge of your own life. It is not letting your emotions run you right over. You acknowledge it, deal with it and move past it. Some days though...I would love to hit my head enough to induce amnesia. LOL SURPRISE!!! I'm human too. I make mistakes. I fail and fail harder and sometimes, epic-ally fail hahaha I'm still learning. I will probably always be learning. I read somewhere "why stay on earth except to grow?" well...I guess I took that to heart hahaha I love growing :D
So, I am aware of my breathing and my problem (that elephant in the room that won't be ignored). I have become too aware now. So I am going to breathe.
and be thankful that I am not Skynet (this is not mine but belongs to someone out in the interwebs)...
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