FB Status Messages from the vault hahaha

So, I mined these babies for whomever is reading this...well..this week hahaha Sorry it's late. I had a very handsome distraction. I almost completely forgot I had these prepared. MMMM...a sinfully delicious distraction hahaha ;) You know me...

writes to her buddy " ...and then I just had to open my mouth and utter the most dreaded words you can in a room of marriage-happy-people...'maybe someday I'd get married but right now Im content with being single...' and then I got scared. It was like they all turned into the Children of the Corn on me and I was about to turn 18..." — feeling scared.

"I'm so grossed out by the thought of someone trying to sell a preowned dildo" – me to Kris

That's what ya call a sister haha about to crash out and she shows up with whiskey. Sweeeetos! — with Julia Polson.

had a creepy horror movie moment where I was going down the stairs into the basement without turning the lights on and thought to myself "if this was a horror movie...I'd be that dumb chick everyone would be shouting at or shaking their head at or going 'she's dead'" lol

bwahahaha!!!
Lady: Roi de la Patate bon soir!
Me: hey! Id like to place an order for (my address)..
Lady: ok..
Me: *silence*....
Me: uhhh...
Lady: *laughing*
Me: Sorry! Was distracted by a sexy looking half naked man..dan you Joshua Jackson you sexy bastard!
Lady: *laughs harder and louder*
Me: *laughing* too bad I cant order him...
----- I eventually placed my order hahaha

Hahaha 
Me: *looks at pic ex sent* no way that's your hand 
Ex: Hahahaha that's my hand
Me: It looks so feminine and pretty...
Ex: manicure  and I am pretty 
Me: *sent pic of my nails* those beasts are lived in.  and you are pretty alright..pretty much the same person I left 8 years ago. 
Ex: Now, now. No reason to be nasty. You are pretty too.
Me: You still only absorb what you want to...
Ex: You'll come back to me someday.
Me: Still a conceited guy...full of yourself and you are so sure of everything just because you think you still know how to manipulate me.
Ex: I've changed. I wouldn't abuse your trust anymore or do the whole serial dialing thing.
Me: I don't believe you. You are creepy. Like serial stalker creepy. How did you even get this number?
Ex: Patrice
Me: From where I used to work?
Ex: No. The guy you said made amazing pancakes.
Me: ????
Ex: You met him that time I left you at the Waddling Duck because you didn't want to take your vacation time with me.
Me: Oh yeah! That's the time you ditched me on our anniversary and you only realized after you left that I had the house keys, a dead cell, AND both of our bank cards hahaha serves you right asshole!
Ex: Well...either way he gave me the number. 

Me: I still don't get how you thought pancakes was code for sex. I mean...Alan made me pancakes and I never had sex with him or anything hahaha
Ex: Yes well...You are beautiful with the most amazing eyes...  it!
Me: I'm still never getting back together with you.
Ex: Fuck!
hahahahahahahaha!!!!

hahahaha!
Me: Holy eff! Brrr...Brrr...Brrr
Brent: Cold enough for ya? hahaha
Me: YES! Shit man...I think my lungs hurt from being frost bitten

Hahahaha 
Me: what?
Him: did you just touch my ass? 
Me: no *all disgusted* it was her.
Tanya: It's a nice ass.
Me: Meh...I've seen better....
Hahahahaha didn't mean to say that out loud and to the guys face lol

Krissy: I live up the hill

Julia: Ya dont drink like it hahaha

Hahahaha
Alex: You never did answer me about who took that picture...
Me: (all absent minded) what picture? 
Alex: Baby girl that sounds like you are full of yourself.
Me: I am. I am very much full of myself. If I was full of anybody else I would be a cannibal. *turns page* what picture?
Alex: Nevermind. You're in one of those moods.
Me: Ok. Talk to you later. Bye.
Hahaha 

Me: The heart wants what it wants and its just that sometimes it wants stupid people..
Nina: hahahahababa

Random Moments of my night: falling off a swivel chair, being asked (repeatedly) to move to Nunavut, asking some guy if I could keep him, being carded because I look 21, being asked by the cab driver if I was looking for a hookup (and telling him I was just looking for a store to buy chips), annnnd going to a store in my pjs for ginger ale because I knew I'd need it today (along with tums).

Me: Just because I'm brown doesn't mean I will hurt you. I'm nice and cute.
The Server: hahahahababaha

Stick: The devil man walks real fast
Nomi: My Grandma says that he is a good dancer.
Me: My Grandma says that too.
Nomi: We have the same Grandma nerd!
Me: Oh yeah! hahahaha
----- maybe celebrating a lil too much hahahahahahaha

hahahaha 
Earlier this evening...
Me: *waaaaaazzzzaaaapppp!
Ben: *shouting just as loud as me* are you ready to rock!!!!!! 
Me: yeah! 
Ben: are you ready!!!!!
Me: I'm ready to rock!!
Ben: me too wanna rock...
Nina comes back to the truck..
Ben: Moms back now.
Me: Are you ready to rock?
Ben: Mommy is back now.
Hahahahahaha friggen kid man 

Nick: *smirk* would you like some coffee to with this water?
Me: I need coffee just to make good coffee *hangs head*
Nick just laughs
Me: *head in my hands* so it's going to be one of those days...

heeheehee
Me: I said no.
Jansen: Why not?
Me: Because I said so.
Jansen: You do realize that isn't an answer.
Me: It's an answer now.
Jansen: *smiling* you're just grumpy because I woke you up. 
Me: I'm not grumpy. It's moments like this that make me wish you didn't know my numbers...
Jansen: awe..come on. Despite how crabby you are about something or someone waking you up when your tired, I happen to think you're beautiful...even when you are trying to glare me to death.
Me: my answer is still no. 
Jansen: shit! 
Hahahahaha

Bwahahahaha!!!!
Me: I don't know what you mean by dry humping?! Why the fuck aren't they using lube?!!!!! I don't get it...*confused*
Everyone else laughed

hahahahaha
Ben: Spiderman!
Me: So you're Spiderman? Well...I guess I'll be Batman.
Ben: Ya! You're Batman!
Me: So what is your Mom?
Ben: She's funny.
Heeheehee

Well...Tylenol then I'm gonna do what my cute handsome godson says...brush my teeth,wash my face, look cute today

hahahaha!!!!
Me:*nonchalant* Our plane crashed, we got no food...well...unless you count the pilot whom we'll call George.

*Buddy facepalms*

Hahaha throw back Thursday rewind memory moment...
Me: check him out!! He's so friggin sexy....
Nick: Whoa there Julia! Calm your tits...hahaha
Me: *grabs tits* can't calm these babies...they go wild over him..just look at how rugged he is *drools*
Nick: You really do have a thing for tall guys...

Hahahahahaha

Hahahaha
Elena: eewwwww!!!!
Me: What's eewww?
Elena: A boy and girl kissing. I never kissed a boy.
Me: I'd hope not. You're too young for that...and you might get cooties.
Elena: What's that?
Me: Some thing you only get from boys. Unless you had your cootie shot. Did you want a cootie shot just in case?
Elena nods
Me: criss cross polka dot now you have your cootie shot.
Elena: kissing boys are still gross...

Hahahahahahaha!!!!