Here's what happened. Joey is ready to settle down and is always convinced that what he does, I must surely follow suit. For some reason it must be this way. If he wasn't such an old pen pal (turned email buddy ***yes we email and I'm positively ancient for it but who cares!!**) I would have done more than just bust his ear drums. I would have tracked him down and sledgehammered his balls. There is one thing that I never have appreciated having in my life and that is hypocrites. I'm not a damn hypocrite. I also do not force my view or ways of life on anyone around me. After all these years, all the things we have talked about - dreams, hopes, aspirations, fears, grief, loss, happiness, etc...he got preachy. The one thing I will not apologize for is how open I am about my sex life, the way I am sexually, or how I refuse to treat sex as some taboo dirty topic - more so, when it isn't.
I believe that every consenting adult should have fun with sex in a safe and pleasurable manner. I believe that solo missions (masturbation) is a necessity. I look at it this way - if I don't know what turns me on, heats my blood and makes me scream to the heavens...then any partner I have in the future isn't going to know either. Apparently, my remarks about my year of celibacy and comments of sex toys and not having the time for men (or women) at this point in my life...it was a argument starter. Who knows...maybe I was looking for an argument. I don't care. When he said that I was in self imposed exile from the Y-chromosome because I am punishing every man for doing what other assholes did to me was uncalled for. I don't hate men. I don't hate women. I don't hate transgender or whatever the hell you label yourself as. I love people. I find them attractive. I like kissing. I like bringing pleasure to my partner in a myriad of ways. I write my own erotica for goodness sakes! Just because I refuse to live my life ashamed of my sexuality does not mean I need to settle down. This does not make me a slut either.
I want to state, for the damn freaking record, I may have been sexually frustrated during my year of celibacy but I learned a lot about who I was. I went through a period where I knew I was using men to take my mind of things I didn't want to face about myself. I made no secrets about their use in my life either. I have always established boundaries with every sexual partner I have ever had. I could be, quite possibly, the cruelest and coldest individual, I know at times. I can be cold and clinical. I learned early on how to compartmentalize. My year of celibacy, struggling with my own inadequacies (and celebrating some of them) was an amazing experience. I also want to stress...FULL celibacy. Not even solo missions. Na-da. ZIP. Zero. Zilch. I even discussed this with a Psychologist just so I wasn't doing this alone (couch time saved lives I tell ya). Which was the best thing I have ever done. I learned about the psychological aspects of what I liked sexually and how to be open about it without criticizing my partner (I needed to stop saying "it's like this" **yes - I know I was an asshole). Basically, couch time was time to analyze everything I did and be brutally honest with myself about my own narcissistic, butthole behavior.
That being said...ahem...I DO NOT NEED A DAMN WITNESS TO ANY ORGASM I HAVE! Not having a boyfriend is entirely different than not having an orgasm. Trust me, even if my current sex life is mainly the "battery operated small town life style"...I do orgasm. I don't need a boyfriend for that. I think what really bugs me is the fact that people thing I need a man. People who have been in my life for years think I need this mythological Mr.Right, with his amazing phallic organ of orgasmic earth shattering awesomeness that I am incomplete without him. He's mythological. The ideal never lives up to the real. Besides, I'm not sure there is a man alive that can handle me right now hahaha More importantly, I don't need a man. I want one. Therein lies the difference between me and 70% of the matchmakers in my life. They are convinced I need one - I know I don't. What I need is for my well meaning friends to get that I appreciate a man who asks me out more than I appreciate being set up. I find courage an attractive quality. There are so many attributes that go hand-in-hand with courage like confidence, good self-esteem, sense of self-worth - to name a few...I do have moments though...
Okay. I can readily admit I am not the nicest person in the world. I'll be the first to nosedive off my own pedestal and to fight tooth and nail if anyone ever put me on one (I'm also terribly klutzy - so this is a bad idea). I'm not the greatest friend. There are times where I will tell you a truth you aren't ready to face, simply because I believe the fact that you are living in this little denial is you giving into the fear of failure or rejection. The truth I tell you is done in order for you to catch up to your own reality. But I am not alone!!!! I have friends (whom I lovingly refer to as bastards once in awhile LOL) that will see me open a door I closed on some aspect of me that I'm not comfortable with showing (I can be very private about certain things) and BAM! Bastards break the damn window and bust in through there. They could have waited till I opened the door completely but no...they have to break in through the window once they saw the door opened a little bit...pffft!!! I'm supposed to be the impatient one here...come on! hahahaha
So, knowing that about me, and having caught glimpses of my personality from past posts, you can only imagine how "thrilled" I was to be told that I NEED TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A GOOD MAN...AND BE WHOLESOME. I would totally be open to settling down with a good man - but uh...where is he? Where is this good man that everyone is convinced I need in my life? Wholesome is not a word I would ever use or think I would need. Cripes! The only thing I needed in my life today was mayo to dip my fries in (don't judge me). I blew up in an epic way. I don't like being judged. How many sexual partners I had and who they were ... is not up for discussion. They deserve their privacy but I open to talking about experiences.
Some of them funny (the guy who farted when he'd climax). Some of the erotic (I never feet could be an erogenous zone when Magnum did that?! ***Magnum was the guy that I learned about Magnum condoms with LOL Yes I can be naive). Some of them were mind blowing (literally wow!). Some I experienced the REAL petite morte with (holy hell!) and others I loved completely. I am capable of love.
I am capable of being in a committed, monogamous relationship. I'm open to the idea (or concept). I'm just not actively pursuing it. I'm waiting. I'm okay with that. So Joey...while I happy you are happy...you can seriously kiss my big brown butt. Also, you are mistaken. I am not waiting on the perfect man. I am waiting on one that knows what is clitoris is and doesn't need a GPS or a pill to find it. I know where mine is. I don't need a man or a GPS to tell me that.
P.S. You are an asshole. Don't talk to me. I'm mad yet.
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