A Nostalgic Christmas...

So this Christmas I went to spend Christmas Eve with my family. Typically, I just spend it with my Mum, Daddy, and Bro. This time I went to spend it with my Aunty, her sons, their wives, their kids, my Aunt's Husband, and my cousin Melo-Berry. This is the first time, in a very long time, I sucked it up and went to spend any of my Christmas holidays with that side of my family.

Don't get the wrong idea. I love them to pieces. I just prefer to love them individually as I find being with them all at the same time to be a bit chaotic and slightly intimidating. The noise, the questions from nosy Aunts, Uncles who have no real idea what I have been up to or what really interests me...Cousins who are scared to ask questions..I just try to avoid the whole "I do want to talk to you but I can't ask the things I want because then you'll ask me questions and I'm not ready for everyone to discuss my life yet" hahahaha All family's are neurotic and slightly psychotic hahaha I love my family. Their interest in my life shows me that I am important enough for them to want to know what I'm up to or what I'm not up to - it depends on who's asking.

This Christmas season I have been really nostalgic for bygone Christmases. For days long put to rest. For caroling with my Mama. For days having tea or hot apple cider with family while playing 31. For small skirmishes on the rink over the puck. For peeling potatoes listening to my Aunts plan their attack on the Uncles to make them do the dishes this year. For building snow forts with my Mama and skating with my Mum. For sliding with my cousins and the magic of hot chocolate and marshmallows. I miss the little miracles that made Christmas so utterly magical. The sad part is...after my Mama died...Christmas lost all of its magic.

There has no been no real magical moment in a Christmas season till tonight...we should have really crashed tonight. We drive through ice, sleet, slush...we lost traction...all kinds of scary things happened but all I could think about was Mama. I didn't even realize I've been humming one of her favorite Christmas songs all day till my cousin pointed it out at supper. Mama has been on my mind a lot lately. Then in the middle of the drive, my Mum (who's not in the least bit religious) says "I'm not worried anymore. I know our guardian angel is with us Jule" and just like that...the road conditions slowly started to get better. Strange how things like that happen...I know the roads were probably going to get better but right now...I want to believe Mama was with us. That she has been with all of us this Christmas. Maybe not in the magical way we were used too but I don't know...this was the first time I seen my family make a snowman in years. Or my cousins pull their Mum in a sled hahaha It just felt...a lil magical <3 Maybe that's what was wrong with us...we concentrated so much on what was magical about things long past that we forgot we possessed our own magic :)

So...it reminds me of the time I told my Mama "Grandma...do you think that it's better to give hugs or gifts? Because I can give lots of hugs and to everyone I want. But I'm too little to buy lots of gifts for everyone I see at Christmas..." and I guess I've known since I was a kid. Christmas is the magical feeling you get in your heart that makes you want to hug everyone. As my Mama told me after I asked that question "The gift never really matters. What matters is that it comes from the heart"

So...from my heart...I wish you all a very Merry Christmas <3

Julia on Changing...

So...This is what I decided to do last couple of months after wishing for things to change.

Change is awful. It's usually for the best but the awful part is getting through the FIRST part where everything that can go wrong, goes wrong and it blows up in your face and you get sooo discouraged over it...and then overwhelmed because even if a small part of you is changing, just that small part - EVERYTHING CHANGES!

I don't hang out with people I used to. We still talk once in awhile but I don't go out of my way anymore and because I don't - it's a lil awkward now. I feel awkward because I don't put as much effort and it's worse because I don't feel bad about it anymore. We grew, but ended up growing a part. With some, our outlooks on life create too much friction. With others, our lifestyles don't mesh anymore. With the rests, it's like we don't fit in each others lives anymore. It happens. Because it happens does not make it a horrible or bad thing. I'm proud that we all grow and find happiness and joy in our own ways :D I still love and care for them but...right now, I'm changing.

Changing makes me feel a lil vulnerable because I'm still getting used to it. Hell, I don't eat the same things, so now I have "Company's Coming" cookbooks just taking up space. My Celiacs has me gluten-free FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. This limits what I can or can't do. Reiterating this to people who say they know me is weird because it's the same people who profess to NEVER forget anything hahahaha But such is life. I just have no idea what to do with all the box. Writing in the books feels like desecration. I love books. Books are vacations I take, with the most amazingly fascinating people, and I am always in enthralled by the world those people live in. Even though it's just a cookbook...I won't write in it. Still feels wrong hahaha So I'll just have to figure out how to augment the recipes to reflect how I have to live this aspect of my life.

Changing how I treat myself and those I share my life with has altered how I pick out jewelry hahaha It was a surprise! My outlook has changed even the earrings I wear now. I have earrings I would never have pictured me wearing and now I'm more conservative in what I wear. I'm sure summer will come and I will brighten up but...it's such a bizzare aspect to change...my taste in necklaces and earrings.

I started changing after a few of my friends wondered why I was just accepting so much bullshit when I never used to before. I would raise hell if someone treated me like that or said those things to me or whatever. They pointed out all the times this other person broke their word and the other times the other one stood me up. Or how I serial dated. It was a lifestyle I left behind because it WAS A BAD HABIT! I'm glad I'm blessed enough to have the same friends that are close to me as I was to them when I went through those changes. When I started becoming more assertive and sure in myself. I honestly had no idea how much of me eroded away.

It was just a small thing to change...once I remembered "Hey...I never used to have a wishbone. I always had a backbone. When the hell did I start accepting this passive and sedentary lifestyle?" I used to travel all over the place by myself. I would just buy a ticket, hop a bus or plane, and go. ALONE. I would explore the world around me and be fascinated with it. I would question things. I wasn't nervous about crowds or wearing a sleeveless shirt. Or worried enough to bring three different types of shoes (just in case). My self-esteem and sense of self-worth took a hit I wasn't totally aware of it happening. But, once I was made aware, I started to fix it. I won't be who I was before but at the core...I'm always Julia. I am still a giggler. I still obsess over chocolate. I still love tequila. I still sing off-key and I still love to love and be loved :D hahahaha Cute and cuddly is still my kryptonite :D

and...then I started doing :) and now...I'm onto my next stage in heading towards my own personal and professional goals. <3

My First Grey Hair...

So today I found my first grey hair on my head of black luscious locks...and typical Julianess happened...I got super excited about it and had to tell the entire world about it hahahaha

I once told my Mama (Grandma) that I wanted to have grey hair like her and that someday I wanted to be all grey. She used to call her grey hairs Mark, Debra, Velma, Patsy, JJ, Amyjo, Lanny and Julianna. hahaha Those ones were her worry hairs. The rest were her wisdom ones. I may have shed a few tears over the memories I have because I miss her and this was her favorite time of year. But this single grey hair reminds me of how she is always a part of me. It reminds me of how we both agreed that my grey hairs will be well earned hahaha Even if she would have laughed at how excited I am about this one hair...I miss her incredibly.

Since my Mama passed away in 2005 I have missed her presence since then. Nothing compares to her words or how comforting simply holding her hand was and how much Sunday tea meant. Having this grey hair and it being my first just reminds me that she is not going to be physically here to share in all of my firsts. She won't be here if I ever decided to get institutionalized (married hahaha), or when I adopt my first child, or when I finally decide to cave in a get a new car. She won't be here when I finish University. She'll be looking down though. I have to believe that I will meet her again. I need to believe in it.

I just really miss her...

Beyond my lonesomeness...I've been super busy with work. No rest for the wicked but in my case it's more like "No rest for the employed" hahahaha So my writing of this blog took a back seat to everything. I'll try to update something tomorrow but I make no promises. I really dont wanna see a monitor after spending 8 hours looking at one :/

Oh yeah! I wanted to share one of two cute lil handsome bandits I spent my evening with yesterday. This is Keshon sharing with his God Mother (That's me) hahaha I wanted the candy he had in his other hand and he gave me his pacifier hahahaha

Crazy Cat Lady...and dental care

So, I am pretty much certain I have become that crazy cat lady. :/  The following are reasons why I am THAT crazy cat lady who's single and lives with her parents:

1) I have pictures of cats on my camera roll and in my saved pictures (this is true!)

2) I talk to my cats and they talk back (don't judge me!!!)

3) I am pretty sure Loki and Kaze talk about me when I am not around and while Kaze fears my rule...Loki knows enough to come suck up to me hahahaha

4) I am convinced my cat is the smartest cat in the world. Loki tries to open doors. (she literally jumps and tries to take hold of the knob)

5) I chase them around the house to play with them hahaha!!!

6) Kaze, while being a lil terrified of my feet...enjoy laying on them (as seen above)

7) My cats know they are cool...lol

Also...my obsession with teeth continues hahaha

I stood in the aisle and wasn't going to move till I found the right toothpaste for me. Besides the fact it has to be gluten free, I also wanted one that would whiten my teeth or build my enamel. I ended up talking with this guy about tooth decay and how I am a firm believer in how you only brush the ones you want to keep hahaha So, we exchanged numbers (I have no idea how this happened!!!) and I send him a video I had made for a friend of mine hahaha Here is the video and it's a few seconds (I look a lil bit like a munster in it) but I believe I got my message across:

and then I sent this picture:

FB Status Messages from the vault hahaha

So, I mined these babies for whomever is reading this...well..this week hahaha Sorry it's late. I had a very handsome distraction. I almost completely forgot I had these prepared. MMMM...a sinfully delicious distraction hahaha ;) You know me...

writes to her buddy " ...and then I just had to open my mouth and utter the most dreaded words you can in a room of marriage-happy-people...'maybe someday I'd get married but right now Im content with being single...' and then I got scared. It was like they all turned into the Children of the Corn on me and I was about to turn 18..." — feeling scared.

"I'm so grossed out by the thought of someone trying to sell a preowned dildo" – me to Kris

That's what ya call a sister haha about to crash out and she shows up with whiskey. Sweeeetos! — with Julia Polson.

had a creepy horror movie moment where I was going down the stairs into the basement without turning the lights on and thought to myself "if this was a horror movie...I'd be that dumb chick everyone would be shouting at or shaking their head at or going 'she's dead'" lol

bwahahaha!!!
Lady: Roi de la Patate bon soir!
Me: hey! Id like to place an order for (my address)..
Lady: ok..
Me: *silence*....
Me: uhhh...
Lady: *laughing*
Me: Sorry! Was distracted by a sexy looking half naked man..dan you Joshua Jackson you sexy bastard!
Lady: *laughs harder and louder*
Me: *laughing* too bad I cant order him...
----- I eventually placed my order hahaha

Hahaha 
Me: *looks at pic ex sent* no way that's your hand 
Ex: Hahahaha that's my hand
Me: It looks so feminine and pretty...
Ex: manicure  and I am pretty 
Me: *sent pic of my nails* those beasts are lived in.  and you are pretty alright..pretty much the same person I left 8 years ago. 
Ex: Now, now. No reason to be nasty. You are pretty too.
Me: You still only absorb what you want to...
Ex: You'll come back to me someday.
Me: Still a conceited guy...full of yourself and you are so sure of everything just because you think you still know how to manipulate me.
Ex: I've changed. I wouldn't abuse your trust anymore or do the whole serial dialing thing.
Me: I don't believe you. You are creepy. Like serial stalker creepy. How did you even get this number?
Ex: Patrice
Me: From where I used to work?
Ex: No. The guy you said made amazing pancakes.
Me: ????
Ex: You met him that time I left you at the Waddling Duck because you didn't want to take your vacation time with me.
Me: Oh yeah! That's the time you ditched me on our anniversary and you only realized after you left that I had the house keys, a dead cell, AND both of our bank cards hahaha serves you right asshole!
Ex: Well...either way he gave me the number. 

Me: I still don't get how you thought pancakes was code for sex. I mean...Alan made me pancakes and I never had sex with him or anything hahaha
Ex: Yes well...You are beautiful with the most amazing eyes...  it!
Me: I'm still never getting back together with you.
Ex: Fuck!
hahahahahahahaha!!!!

hahahaha!
Me: Holy eff! Brrr...Brrr...Brrr
Brent: Cold enough for ya? hahaha
Me: YES! Shit man...I think my lungs hurt from being frost bitten

Hahahaha 
Me: what?
Him: did you just touch my ass? 
Me: no *all disgusted* it was her.
Tanya: It's a nice ass.
Me: Meh...I've seen better....
Hahahahaha didn't mean to say that out loud and to the guys face lol

Krissy: I live up the hill

Julia: Ya dont drink like it hahaha

Hahahaha
Alex: You never did answer me about who took that picture...
Me: (all absent minded) what picture? 
Alex: Baby girl that sounds like you are full of yourself.
Me: I am. I am very much full of myself. If I was full of anybody else I would be a cannibal. *turns page* what picture?
Alex: Nevermind. You're in one of those moods.
Me: Ok. Talk to you later. Bye.
Hahaha 

Me: The heart wants what it wants and its just that sometimes it wants stupid people..
Nina: hahahahababa

Random Moments of my night: falling off a swivel chair, being asked (repeatedly) to move to Nunavut, asking some guy if I could keep him, being carded because I look 21, being asked by the cab driver if I was looking for a hookup (and telling him I was just looking for a store to buy chips), annnnd going to a store in my pjs for ginger ale because I knew I'd need it today (along with tums).

Me: Just because I'm brown doesn't mean I will hurt you. I'm nice and cute.
The Server: hahahahababaha

Stick: The devil man walks real fast
Nomi: My Grandma says that he is a good dancer.
Me: My Grandma says that too.
Nomi: We have the same Grandma nerd!
Me: Oh yeah! hahahaha
----- maybe celebrating a lil too much hahahahahahaha

hahahaha 
Earlier this evening...
Me: *waaaaaazzzzaaaapppp!
Ben: *shouting just as loud as me* are you ready to rock!!!!!! 
Me: yeah! 
Ben: are you ready!!!!!
Me: I'm ready to rock!!
Ben: me too wanna rock...
Nina comes back to the truck..
Ben: Moms back now.
Me: Are you ready to rock?
Ben: Mommy is back now.
Hahahahahaha friggen kid man 

Nick: *smirk* would you like some coffee to with this water?
Me: I need coffee just to make good coffee *hangs head*
Nick just laughs
Me: *head in my hands* so it's going to be one of those days...

heeheehee
Me: I said no.
Jansen: Why not?
Me: Because I said so.
Jansen: You do realize that isn't an answer.
Me: It's an answer now.
Jansen: *smiling* you're just grumpy because I woke you up. 
Me: I'm not grumpy. It's moments like this that make me wish you didn't know my numbers...
Jansen: awe..come on. Despite how crabby you are about something or someone waking you up when your tired, I happen to think you're beautiful...even when you are trying to glare me to death.
Me: my answer is still no. 
Jansen: shit! 
Hahahahaha

Bwahahahaha!!!!
Me: I don't know what you mean by dry humping?! Why the fuck aren't they using lube?!!!!! I don't get it...*confused*
Everyone else laughed

hahahahaha
Ben: Spiderman!
Me: So you're Spiderman? Well...I guess I'll be Batman.
Ben: Ya! You're Batman!
Me: So what is your Mom?
Ben: She's funny.
Heeheehee

Well...Tylenol then I'm gonna do what my cute handsome godson says...brush my teeth,wash my face, look cute today

hahahaha!!!!
Me:*nonchalant* Our plane crashed, we got no food...well...unless you count the pilot whom we'll call George.

*Buddy facepalms*

Hahaha throw back Thursday rewind memory moment...
Me: check him out!! He's so friggin sexy....
Nick: Whoa there Julia! Calm your tits...hahaha
Me: *grabs tits* can't calm these babies...they go wild over him..just look at how rugged he is *drools*
Nick: You really do have a thing for tall guys...

Hahahahahaha

Hahahaha
Elena: eewwwww!!!!
Me: What's eewww?
Elena: A boy and girl kissing. I never kissed a boy.
Me: I'd hope not. You're too young for that...and you might get cooties.
Elena: What's that?
Me: Some thing you only get from boys. Unless you had your cootie shot. Did you want a cootie shot just in case?
Elena nods
Me: criss cross polka dot now you have your cootie shot.
Elena: kissing boys are still gross...

Hahahahahahaha!!!!

 

The Politics of Life...and a Turkey...and Social Media...and Easily Bruised Egos

So, I almost had a big problem. My mouth ran away with me before I could stop voicing my opinion the other day. My opinion was pretty loud and I am without shame. I would rather eat my own vomit than retract what I said. If they don't like it - tough. Having an opinion is part of my rights as a human being...but apparently if my opinion bruises an ego that rests high upon that mountain of bureaucratic bullshit...It can bite you in the ass. Bite away! I'm native...the type of native with a LONG BACK which translates to NO ASS. So good ahead...try to take a bite hahahaha Dummy!

Someone out there in the great universe of cyber space (which is apparently vast and infinite) has decided that I needed a slap on the hand. Well hello to you too Private Person Of Questionable Courage!! If you want to complain about me, leave your name, your number and a brief message and I will be sure to return your call if there is some actual substance to it. Regardless, I'm actually very careful about what I post and when I post it on my Facebook, Twitter, etc. I can write about my clitoris and orgasms all I want but mention anything about politics, research etc and I basically f--ed myself in the bumholey-oh without lube...OUCH!!

To be quite honest, I do not live my life with the word "Politics" in my mind every day. When I spend time with my family it's not where I think about politics. When I go to do my job, it's not with them (the politicians and bureaucrats) in mind. It's with the conviction that I will be doing the best that I can for the PEOPLE I work with and for. I don't really care that you make more than me (I'm a cynical and jaded beyotch who probably already assumes you do anyways) or that you have all this "power" or who you are voting for. It doesn't really bother me because I AM NOT MY JOB and POLITICS is not my job. Sure, everything in life might be political but I guess I am deep in denial right now. Even the politics of food is insane...

For example, I mentioned this in passing today..."I miss buying a butterball. I think I'm going to grab me one of those for the good ol'Christ-masses a la maison" and BAAAAMM! The words GMO and Organic and, even, growing my own turkey (seriously, I'd pay someone to do that!) come to mind. Honestly, if you are going to judge me over a turkey, it's a good thing I didn't mention my stance on birth control or vaccines. Holy Jumpin Jalapenos Bat Baby!! You think I just said "Why yes young lady...I not only fry children's kidneys to go with my GMO basmati rice, I am also an agent for Satan but please..keep in mind that my duties are largely ceremonial." After explaining that just because someone does something a certain way or wants to a damn turkey (okay, so maybe saying damn wasn't a good thing but what the hell...I could have swore! Lesser of evils people!) that they shouldn't be judged as being a part of corporate America. Last I checked...we lived in Canada. 0_0 Unless I have my geography wrong or am taking things a lil too literal.

Regardless, I never got to explain to Miss Planetery that we DO buy from local turkey growing people who assure ME that they only feed the turkeys grain/corn they grow themselves. Then BAM! Slapped with all this PAPER information regarding all the additives in this and that...I tried to care for all of 30 seconds but to be honest, and candid, it was just taking up my time. It took every fiber of my being to not respond with a quick "Why hello Miss Planetery. How nice of how to destroy 20% of the boreal forest in order for you to tell me GMO's are ruining my life." I have better things to do with my time than listen to someone tell me about why I am going to get cancer from my turkey. Or a brain tumor from Wi-Fi. Or maybe even eye cancer from my contact lenses. I don't know. Just seems to me that everyone can get cancer from everything. Has it ever occurred to all these cancer-sayers that maybe we ALL carry the possibility of activating our cancer causing cells? So maybe eating my turkey might be the catalyst for getting cancer...but it's going to be sinfully delicious first! hahaha ;)

Facebook and Twitter...holy eff! I'm sorry at times I ever joined you if it means I could get in trouble for writing "VOTE NDP" or "VOTE LIBERAL" or "VOTE FOR SPONGEBOB!!!!" Seriously now...since when does whomever I vote for...or my own opinion make it the opinion of whomever I have worked for in the past. Unless I worked for the NDP and wanted to vote for Spongebob. Then it might be an issue.  But I work in a small, rural place and do small contracts in my down time like reading over thesis to check if they told the "story" well. Who I vote for shouldn't be anybody's business. My opinions are my own. My Uncle had a t-shirt that said "Opinions are like assholes - Everbodys got ONE!!" So, my asshole opinion is that people need to mind their matters. Jeeze...the stupidest shit gets reported. I'm not even going to mention what I got reported for...just that it was stupid. So VOTE SPONGEBOB!!!! or better yet, VOTE FOR CLITORIS FOR PRIME MINISTER!!!! (I'll continue this when I stop laughing)

As for the easily bruises egos...the fact that I want to start a party in Canada that is dedicated to the Clitoris should say much about whom exactly has delicate egos...bring on my GMO Turkey of Impending Death!! For some reason, Monty Python comes to mind and I suddenly want to go around shouting after turkey on Dec.24 and Dec.25th - "BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!" because seriously...that is the alarmist climate we live in. All I wanted was to buy a damn turkey...never even got to explain it's name is Toddette either... :'( *pouting*

Orgasms...battery operated sex life...exile from the Y chromosome...and other frustrations

So, it's been eating at me since I last spoke with Joey about this crazy idea he has for the holidays. Then again, Joey and I typically have crazy conversations (lately it's been about IVF, Sperm and Egg donations, tradition, and who would survive the zombie apocalypse) and he seems ready to settle down. This always leads to exactly why we haven't spoken in the last 24 hours on our typical end of November gabfest weekend. I turned off my cell, took out the damn batteries and stayed mad for hours on end because he was being a big arseface! That's right Joey! ARSE...FACE. Well...I'm not as angry with you anymore but just so you know...you were one more asinine assumption away from being a butt-boil on the body of humanity. Which is always worse in my world and you damn well know it.

Here's what happened. Joey is ready to settle down and is always convinced that what he does, I must surely follow suit. For some reason it must be this way. If he wasn't such an old pen pal (turned email buddy ***yes we email and I'm positively ancient for it but who cares!!**) I would have done more than just bust his ear drums. I would have tracked him down and sledgehammered his balls. There is one thing that I never have appreciated having in my life and that is hypocrites. I'm not a damn hypocrite. I also do not force my view or ways of life on anyone around me. After all these years, all the things we have talked about - dreams, hopes, aspirations, fears, grief, loss, happiness, etc...he got preachy. The one thing I will not apologize for is how open I am about my sex life, the way I am sexually, or how I refuse to treat sex as some taboo dirty topic - more so, when it isn't. 

I believe that every consenting adult should have fun with sex in a safe and pleasurable manner. I believe that solo missions (masturbation) is a necessity. I look at it this way - if I don't know what turns me on, heats my blood and makes me scream to the heavens...then any partner I have in the future isn't going to know either. Apparently, my remarks about my year of celibacy and comments of sex toys and not having the time for men (or women) at this point in my life...it was a argument starter. Who knows...maybe I was looking for an argument. I don't care. When he said that I was in self imposed exile from the Y-chromosome because I am punishing every man for doing what other assholes did to me was uncalled for. I don't hate men. I don't hate women. I don't hate transgender or whatever the hell you label yourself as. I love people. I find them attractive. I like kissing. I like bringing pleasure to my partner in a myriad of ways. I write my own erotica for goodness sakes! Just because I refuse to live my life ashamed of my sexuality does not mean I need to settle down. This does not make me a slut either. 

I want to state, for the damn freaking record, I may have been sexually frustrated during my year of celibacy but I learned a lot about who I was. I went through a period where I knew I was using men to take my mind of things I didn't want to face about myself. I made no secrets about their use in my life either. I have always established boundaries with every sexual partner I have ever had. I could be, quite possibly, the cruelest and coldest individual, I know at times. I can be cold and clinical. I learned early on how to compartmentalize. My year of celibacy, struggling with my own inadequacies (and celebrating some of them) was an amazing experience. I also want to stress...FULL celibacy. Not even solo missions. Na-da. ZIP. Zero. Zilch. I even discussed this with a Psychologist just so I wasn't doing this alone (couch time saved lives I tell ya). Which was the best thing I have ever done. I learned about the psychological aspects of what I liked sexually and how to be open about it without criticizing my partner (I needed to stop saying "it's like this" **yes - I know I was an asshole). Basically, couch time was time to analyze everything I did and be brutally honest with myself about my own narcissistic, butthole behavior. 

That being said...ahem...I DO NOT NEED A DAMN WITNESS TO ANY ORGASM I HAVE! Not having a boyfriend is entirely different than not having an orgasm. Trust me, even if my current sex life is mainly the "battery operated small town life style"...I do orgasm. I don't need a boyfriend for that. I think what really bugs me is the fact that people thing I need a man. People who have been in my life for years think I need this mythological Mr.Right, with his amazing phallic organ of orgasmic earth shattering awesomeness that I am incomplete without him. He's mythological. The ideal never lives up to the real. Besides, I'm not sure there is a man alive that can handle me right now hahaha More importantly, I don't need a man. I want one. Therein lies the difference between me and 70% of the matchmakers in my life. They are convinced I need one - I know I don't. What I need is for my well meaning friends to get that I appreciate a man who asks me out more than I appreciate being set up. I find courage an attractive quality. There are so many attributes that go hand-in-hand with courage like confidence, good self-esteem, sense of self-worth - to name a few...I do have moments though...

Okay. I can readily admit I am not the nicest person in the world. I'll be the first to nosedive off my own pedestal and to fight tooth and nail if anyone ever put me on one (I'm also terribly klutzy - so this is a bad idea). I'm not the greatest friend. There are times where I will tell you a truth you aren't ready to face, simply because I believe the fact that you are living in this little denial is you giving into the fear of failure or rejection. The truth I tell you is done in order for you to catch up to your own reality. But I am not alone!!!! I have friends (whom I lovingly refer to as bastards once in awhile LOL) that will see me open a door I closed on some aspect of me that I'm not comfortable with showing (I can be very private about certain things) and BAM! Bastards break the damn window and bust in through there. They could have waited till I opened the door completely but no...they have to break in through the window once they saw the door opened a little bit...pffft!!! I'm supposed to be the impatient one here...come on! hahahaha

So, knowing that about me, and having caught glimpses of my personality from past posts, you can only imagine how "thrilled" I was to be told that I NEED TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A GOOD MAN...AND BE WHOLESOME. I would totally be open to settling down with a good man - but uh...where is he? Where is this good man that everyone is convinced I need in my life? Wholesome is not a word I would ever use or think I would need. Cripes! The only thing I needed in my life today was mayo to dip my fries in (don't judge me). I blew up in an epic way. I don't like being judged. How many sexual partners I had and who they were ... is not up for discussion. They deserve their privacy but I open to talking about experiences. 

Some of them funny (the guy who farted when he'd climax). Some of the erotic (I never feet could be an erogenous zone when Magnum did that?! ***Magnum was the guy that I learned about Magnum condoms with LOL Yes I can be naive). Some of them were mind blowing (literally wow!). Some I experienced the REAL petite morte with (holy hell!) and others I loved completely. I am capable of love.

I am capable of being in a committed, monogamous relationship. I'm open to the idea (or concept). I'm just not actively pursuing it. I'm waiting. I'm okay with that. So Joey...while I happy you are happy...you can seriously kiss my big brown butt. Also, you are mistaken. I am not waiting on the perfect man. I am waiting on one that knows what is clitoris is and doesn't need a GPS or a pill to find it. I know where mine is. I don't need a man or a GPS to tell me that.

P.S. You are an asshole. Don't talk to me. I'm mad yet.