So, I am writing this to you after having a good cry. I am really incapable of hiding my feelings well. A friend of mine is hurting because I couldn't love him. It is impossible for me to explain how sad it made me when he accused me of not loving him. Which is totally not true. I do love him very much...the problem is I am NOT in love with him.
When I think of Paul (let's call him that), I don't feel what I know I should be feeling if I was in love with someone. Paul brings a smile to my face and seeing him happy warms my heart...but he doesn't make my heart smile. He doesn't dominate my thoughts. He isn't who I want to build a life with. He isn't the person I need in order to be happy. I can be happy without Paul. I know the sun will continue to shine without him. It makes me sad to even say things like that but he's Paul and I am Julia. We are friends.
I think what hurts the most about this entire situation is that Paul was a great friend...and because I don't feel the same way he does...he's hurting. It really sucks to hurt someone you love because you can't love them in the way they need to be loved. It makes me sad because he really is a great, amazing person and I wish I could love him the way he loves me.
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