So, today I have been repeatedly asked about my life prior to moving back home. What they were pussy footing around about was the lifestyle I got curious about - BDSM. Since I have already discussed this with people whenever they ask, I don't see why I can't explain the difference between what you know, what the media thinks it knows, what each person involved in the lifestyle knows and what Wikipedia and Google can tell you...The first rule of BDSM is IT'S A LIFESTYLE. It' also deserves respect as it is an expression of someone's sexuality.
Well...it's a subculture with so many different ways of life. It's quite complex and it is important to realize that it's not as cut and dry to understand. The people involved in the lifestyle are no more different than you or I - they are still human. But, my knowledge in this respect is limited to the little I was exposed to, indulged in and experienced for myself. You'd really have to try it out and see what works for you - that's if it draws your interest.
I never thought I would have this conversation with the person I had it with today - my ex-fiance's new fiancee. Because who does that really? Who calls up their fiance's ex-fiancee to discuss what we did sexually in the past? I just had to burst her bubble and tell her "that really isn't any of your business" and then she had to throw me off balance by asking in respect to BDSM. It was an awkward conversation. The first thing I told her was "Why are you not asking him about this?" and her response was "He said to tell you the word 'Swordfish'" and that's when I promptly laughed....and laughed...and then laughed a lil more...before I got serious and said "So, you only know vanilla and have no prior experience in this but are willing to attempt it in order to satisfy that aspect of your man's needs?" and we went from there.
Before I go on, it is important that you understand this one thing - vanilla is just the standard. It is standard sex. Sex without paraphernalia. Traditional sex. It's why it's called vanilla. I've had vanilla...who hasn't had vanilla...but I always find myself leaning towards a bolder flavour.
Personally, I don't know how this is going to work between them. I wish them the best nevertheless. It worked well for us at the time because we were versatile. We understood the power dynamic and enjoyed ourselves. We had our mentors and we were the students. There are so many nuances to this that it just really can't be explained. Well, maybe it can but not by me. My Mentor was the embodiment of gratification...oh my *phew* He was very thorough in his instructions.
To make something clear here, not all activities are sexual. In reality, the act of dominance and submission is more than just a mask, a safe word, and spanking your partner. It is more than just a precursor to sex. For some, it is sex. For others, this is a tease, an artful tease that brings out the more primal side of their instincts. This is about engaging every aspect of who you are and what you want and doing the same for your partner. It is like seducing their mind - the mind is the most erogenous zone after all ;)
This is also NOTHING like abuse.
Now that we have covered that....
Let's face it though - anyone can pick up a paddle or use their hand and then suddenly say "I'm a Dom" or "I'm a Top". There is just so many differing nuances in this lifestyle, this aspect of sexuality, that is so hard to explain. I encourage you to read all you can about it. Figure it out if you are more a roleplay than a 'written contract' type of person. Because I have seen those contracts go down. That is another thing - Master/Slave contracts. I don't much about them myself as I only seen them being signed but my Mentor told me that it just formalizes what both parties want. They are both morally obligated to hold up the terms of the contract - they are not legally obligated too. Like I said, many many different ways or things happen within this lifestyle. I explore my sexuality and I still keep in contact with some of the people I was involved with at that time. They are still my friends and they are still people. What two (or more!) consenting adults do - really isn't my business. I'm just happy they are happy...oh...back to that bizzare call... :/
So, what she basically learned from me is how the power dynamics were between us. It's been years since I thought of my ex-fiance in that sense so I could speak freely about that aspect of our life. I also explained his stupid need for random object lessons. Regardless, she got her answers and I went about my day like nothing ever happened. Now here I am...9:49 pm...trying to figure out how I can explain that it is possible to live this lifestyle without ever once having sex. Well, it is possible but I guess I will leave you to figure out how it is on your own.
I, admittedly, miss that aspect of my life. The part that loved to entice, tease, gloat, and celebrate my victories over my own base desires. It is a heady feeling...well...I can't tell you everything now hahaha I still think a part of me was changed by it though. After all...I am still waiting on someone worthy of my own total submission.
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