Monday, 27 April 2015

Baby Bro vs Big Sister - Just Joking! hahahaha


So, me and my big baby bro haven't always gotten along like this...

We did enjoy watching movies and cartoons together. Scaring our parents together. I helped him learn to walk. To ride a bike. I probably taught him things he might have been better off not knowing hahaha But I never swore around him. Mum used to swear lots.Her favorite swear being fuck. Well, she thought my bro wouldnt' hear her but he did...and once he learned to talk, he learned all the swear words from Mum and used them on me. I told him we found him abandoned in the bush, we took him in, and that our parents would never admit that he was adopted. So, I wasn't always the nicest older sister. Of course, there was all the times he did stuff and I got blamed for it (that big punch bowl being one of them - I still believe he did that deliberately!!!). Our fights were extreme though. We had the most extreme fights growing up. Fights where I wonder how the hell are parents ever managed to survive with me, being the teenager, and him, being the small child, living together...creating havoc and disaster...hahaha



There was this one fight where we were pretty rough with each other. I had made the mistake (okay, I probably was not licensed to teach my brudder that) of teaching him how to do a judo throw and a few karate moves I learned. I'm sure my Mum was sorry she signed those forms when the screams of both her children could be heard from outside, down the road and across the street. Somehow, I can't remember how it happened to be completely honest, but we both dislocated our wrists at the same time. It was pretty obvious that we were brawling with my hair all messy and my bro looking like he got noogied to the extreme. hahahahaha My Mum wanted to take us to the hospital but my Dad, being the calmer of the two, just told us we had this coming...and popped our wrists back into place. But now we knew something we didn't before...Dad could fix us...and it was the most amazing and dangerous knowledge given to us hahahahaha I think my bro dislocated my fingers by refusing to let them go because he wanted to play my Nintendo. I was so pissed the time he popped both our fingers and wrists out of joint that I popped his back into place and it didn't faze me to have to do the same to myself. Then Dad did the worst thing possible...he made us fix ourselves. He said "If you are gonna play so rough with each other then pop your own fingers back into place" so...we stopped playing so rough with each other... for awhile...hahahaha


It only took one thing for my bro to understand that I would always have his back...and that was the time I taught him how to throw a punch to do the most damage. He was being picked on, he refused to let me talk to the lil punks picking on him, so I taught him how to hit for maximum damage and how the point was to do this only to protect yourself. I made sure to say "Once they are down, run like hell. This is just for self-defence only." I remember one of my cousins wanted to beat up my brother and I ended up getting into a big fight that got all of us suspended from school. By all of us, I mean, my cousin's cousin jumped in on the fight. So I was beating up two guys who were teenagers when I was just a kid yet myself. I must have been 11 years old and they were both 13 years old. I distinctly recall pulling my cousin's hair and smashing his face into the ground so I could flip over and knee my other cousin in the face hahahaha But I love my bro and I would do it again. Even if it meant the amount of dusting, cleaning, chores, and never ending grounding I went through. No one gets to pick on my brother but me. Of course, the older we get the more I hear "Aw man. Don't Julia. People are going to think I am a wimp who needs his big sister to fight his fights. I don't. I got this." and there's me "Who cares what people say? Unfair fights piss me off. Fighting is stupid in the first place but unfair ones are the worst." So, we both grew up knowing we had each others back. :) How cute eh? lol My poor poor parents...hahahaha

My bro has seen me at, what I have decided to always call it, "maximum rage". 
There was the time my bro found out my ex-fiance cheated on me and he tried to make me feel better. Gave me a hug. Told me I was better than what my ex deserved. Then he made me laugh by saying "It's too bad though. He always gave me expensive gifts..." hahahaha There have been times where I was so angry I couldn't even speak but tears were coming down my cheeks and he's backed away. Then I leave, taking the door with me. That's usually when the monkeys fly in hot pursuit with me. Although he typically knows what makes me mad. 

We laughs lots though. As we got older and grew more into the responsible adults we are, we got along better. We still acted like kids at times hahaha Still scared each other for the fun of it. Still ganged up on our parents. Still had movie nights. Then we started drinking together...and I encouraged stupid things at times...like that...


But mostly, we always did this...


We had our moments. I just realized that this year that lil shit is going to be 25 years old. I have the funniest memories of us. The times where we destroyed the house with our pillow fights, throwing remotes and cd cases and ANYTHING at each other. Times where we literally slapped each other in the back and ran for our doors laughing and hoping the other one didn't catch us - or else! LOL Someone I had numerous movie nights or marathons in the living room with the mattress in the floor...him hassling me to cook or me hassling him to go to the store for some junk food hahaha We still do that occasionally...

It is nice to have someone who can really understand how things are with our parents and our big family. Someone who knows all the inside jokes. Someone who knows which family member so and so means when they say "stupid" or "dragon" or "creepy" hahaha Someone who has my back no matter what, when or where. Even if it would still be a fight to death for the last cookie hahahahaha 

He's my baby bro!


Who else would build a snow-woman with me? lol



Grown Up?!

Grown up?!

So, I did something I don't normally due when deadlines are fast approaching and I am swamped with work - I slipped over to daydream land. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how I tend to let my own emotions run me over or run me ragged. Waffling between impulse and restraint can be maddening and yet...I'll probably keep doing it because I only have now - I am still growing.


I am still growing up. Once upon a time I thought I would be done growing up when I was 18. Then I thought I would be settled into life by the time I finished all of my post-secondary studies. Then I thought it would be when Rob and I settled down...and then it was when I got better. Now here I am. I'm 31 and I still have no idea when I am finally going to be a grown up hahahaha :P I past my initial idea of growing up and realized a lot time ago that I would keep growing. Not just horizontal *LOL* Let's leave my waistline out of my growing please and thank you. 

Still, growing is not an easy thing. I hate how I can literally feel my stomach clench right after my soul does when I face a truth about myself - I thought I wouldn't have to deal with. I know I'm not always the nicest human. There are times I can be a pretty lousy person, can insult someone I don't know just because I am in pain or irritated by something they did, I need to work on my patience, and I'm actually a big grouch. This is just how I am. I don't realize how my voice sounds all of the time but there are times where I sound harsh but I don't mean to be. I have entered the "I am aware" stage of this. All I can ask is that people have patience with me while I move through this. Also, just because I face these things, things I really really REALLY am not comfortable with, does not mean I am a good person or a bad person. Good and Bad is subjective. I am just a person. 

This was something that occurred to me after having discussed my blog with a friend of mine. She asked why I never write about how generous I am or how kind or helpful I can be. To be honest I never thought to write about those things because I don't consider those instances extraordinary. That is just an aspect of who I am. That is a part of me I utilize like I would my eyes or my hands. They are there, I do things with them, but I don't make note of every single thing. It's weird. Well, to me it is weird hahaha So, I am kind at times...But you'd have to ask my friends and family about it. I just see it as being human. 


Now that I am done making myself feel uncomfortable...

Maybe that is what growing up really is all about - being uncomfortable. hahaha no no no LOL But seriously now, it probably is a bit about being uncomfortable and then finding our why you are feeling that way. I find that being uncomfortable helped me realize that I am still growing up. My notions, that I was so certain of last year, things I thought I knew about people, are changing as I grow. It's disorienting and a little terrifying to constantly have my notions flipped upside down, shaken, then tossed to the ground - now I get to put them in some semblance of order (because I don't like messes!!!!!). 

So, I guess most people feel confused, disoriented and off-kilter on/off during their entire lives are the ones I want to know. They must be in my life since I seem to know a lot of people that are going through things like this or have realized it and were probably waiting for me to get a damn clue...bastards...LOL So, I am kind and the people I tend to surround myself with are just as kind. Most people worth knowing are kind. They are the ones who are good at heart, beneath gruff exteriors and false bravado, they are still the ones who, even if humanity tends to look down upon itself, do their best to give a little love and kindness back to the world. They may not do it in a big flashy way but they do it. What more can you ask for? I'm just gonna keep on growing up :)

As for being a grown up...


hahahhaha I wouldn't hold my breath...


Be my happy thought ;) hahahahha till next time mes amie! xoxox

Monday, 6 April 2015

A deep epiphany...and I still don't like my bellybutton

So, question, do you ever find yourself having a crazy deep and intense epiphany while you are doing something mundane? Well, I seem to get those when I am doing the most mundane things...like...drying my bellybutton.



It seriously occurred to me, while drying my bellybutton, that I really don't like my bellybutton. I actually don't like a lot of things. I love and a lot of things. I love a lot of people. I just started to think about all the positive lovey-mush-warm-fuzzy stuff when I suddenly realized "Hey! How come I never think of myself as being worthy of the list?" Then I thought about how egocentric that sounded but no. No. I do love me for me. Even when I don't like how I act at times (I can seriously get on my own nerves) - I still love me for me. I should be on that list. But society tells us that's selfish but shrinks say its essential. Some people really believe you have to let other people love you and you love them and that's that. I say it feels good to love me for me. I'd rather love me for me than look in the mirror and hate the impostor staring back at me in despair. I have life in me. It is my life long obsession to live it. For this epic journey to reach it's conclusion, I need to be on solid terms with myself. Even if I can't stand my bellybutton hahahaha

We all have something okay.

So, this still had me thinking though. How come I never add myself to that list? There are numerous things I love about me. I love my lips. I love touching them. I love licking them (okay, this is sounding weird lol). I love my smile. I love my eyes. I love my body. I may not like that I am feeling out of shape and look it. I still love me. I love how I am compassionate. I love how I try to see the bright side of things. I love the parts of me that see the humour in a bleak situation. I love that I am capable of loving someone. I love that I am free to live without fear.