Give and take

So, life is truly about give and take.

Lately, I feel like my life has experienced more take than anything. I broke up this guy who I thought was wonderful...till I realized I'd never rate with him.

What I wanted and what he wanted were different. It was all so very different because we are too different. I know that my job isn't my life but to him...his job defines him. Gives him an identity. He spoke of his bank account, his earnings, his property,  and other miscellaneous things that have a monetary value sticker attached. ..and all I could think of was "does he value money more than his relationships?" I cried for a week...every single night because every time I gave him two options, which were time with me or work, he chose work. The message I received hurt me so much. The message that I, because I didn't value money the way he did, had no value to him. So I ended it. I stopped letting him determine my worth, my happiness and my value.

I really loved him though. I miss him but I will move forward. I am resilient. If I ever got one message and understood one lesson from life is that life is all about give and take. At times I experience more give...but right now, I'm experiencing more take.

So, here I am. Experiencing more take. It feels like all I have around me are things being taken. I'm grateful for what I still have but it does not make it easier to cope with emotionally. I had to end a friendship tonight because I refuse to be the cause of fighting. I place such a high value on the people in my life, their happiness and I keep none for myself. I don't regret the choices I have made. I am no martyr though. My wishes are selfish just like everyone elses. I want your happiness...because your happiness feeds my own.

Never count me down and out though. I adapt quickly. Which is a really good thing and a really bad thing. I will bounce back better than ever. I will build up my life, my shores, my relationships,  and my heart. ...till you will never even know I experienced any take. Why? Because I am positive by nature (just like I am curious by it)...plus, life is about give and take. I give thanks for the times I did have, I am grateful for sharing my life with them, and I don't take anything foregranted.

Till next time...xoxo